In your Dreams (Rated R)

Fiction from the attic...

While you were sleeping, I was telling this in your face. While your eyes are shut and while you are not listening and that your thoughts may be at some paradise right now…. I want to tell you that I LOVE YOU.

Yeah, yeah I know we just had sex and of course it was as always blissful. And if you are hearing me right now… “Just go back to sleep” is definitely what you’re going to say. “Don’t tell me you want more?” Sometimes you also utter that.

When will you believe that your presence gives glow to my everyday life? Each time I hold your fingers and make it intertwine with mine and then kiss them when I couldn’t help it even if people are staring, when will you not pull back? When will you stop saying “It’s just shagging? It’s just sex?” When will you look straight into my eyes and tell me that you miss me too, instead of “Asshole, where in pete’s cave have you been this time?” or “Do you have some ciggy?”

Yes, I love you. It’s not just the fucking that I am loving you for. I know you are excellent with your blow job. I know that every encounter in bed with you is ecstatic. I even call it “making love” already. Fuck it! Even if you never believed in it. Oh… you just want to be a bitch always. You want to call the shots. You want the control. And you know that I would beg.

But I am loving you more because of your wit, your strength, your personality. You don’t even look attractive to many. But you always leave me with something to think every time we chat. And that includes the battle whether I should convince myself that you are beautiful or not. I look into those eyes and I just get lost. I hear your honest words and it stings, it swings me to the core. You are so brutally frank. There’s no gentleness in your speech. You are filthy. Come to think of it, I gave you flowers once but you shoved it on my face. Because you said flowers are psychological symbols of a vagina. And since men are so obsessed with vaginas, you’ve practically instilled in my subconscious mind that I should respect you, even if you don’t really deserve it. Damn, I never knew you were this crazy, this wild. And with that I have loved you more. I don’t know why. And even if I bang my head to this wall at my back right now, I could never imagine how I have fallen to a lunatic like you. And now, I know I’m going cheap.

I talk to you while you are sleeping because this way, I can imagine the words you will tell me when I say those words. Because I got tired of thinking the opposite meanings of what you say whenever you are awake.

“I love you” Yes, I just whispered those in your ears. So soft… because I don’t want you to hear it. So gentle, because I don’t want to wake you up. So faint, because I don’t want you to know. I need to keep it in me because I don’t want it to end. I still want to love you, even if I know you love me too but you are just so out of your mind to admit it. You are just too proud to feel needy, to feel emotional. You are so ecstatic and you don’t want to fall. I know. So let it be.

(Isn't is lovelier to love in secret?)
Open for criticism...