FINALLY - It's my birthday!

Teka lang, naiiyak pa ako, ayoko muna mag-emo, diko bagay kasi komedyante naman ako at hindi pang horror... Share ko muna ang birthday pityur video na ginawa ng aking lab na lab na si Drake, na pinilit ko muna ng bonggang bongga para lang gawin niya to... hahahaha...

Maraming tenkyu po to all my friends!!! Bale yung mga hindi nagbigay ng picture greetings tumatanggap naman po ako ng cash kaya dun na lang kayo bumawi hehehe... Short lang muna to, napadaan lang po ako kasi kabilaan na ang yayaan ng inuman! hahahaha.

SALAMAT PO!!!

2010

Noong mga panahong maayos ayos pa ang kilay ko at wala pa akong buhok sa kili-kili, naging kaugalian ko na ang maglista ng mga bagay na gusto kong gawin sa buhay, kahit mga simple lang kagaya ng "7:46AM Mag-tinga, 8:00 Tumae..., minsan nga kahit walang katuturan lang. Mga bagay na ayaw kong makalimutang gawin. Tinatawag ko itong ang aking TO-DO List-for-the-day.

Kapag naman sinisipag, meron din ako nung tinatawag ko dating "faith goals for the year." At dito ko na-aapreciate ang sarap ng feeling kapag may mga naiche-check ako sa aking mga checklist, meaning to say, 1 goal achieved na naman ako. Kaya naman naging ugali ko na ang bumili ng diary or planner tuwing October pa lang ng kasalukuyang taon. Kasi nga, it would take at least 2 months para isipin kung ano ang mga nais kong makamit for the following year. Kagaya ng someday-sisikat-din-ako-chorva at mga kaeklatang magma-migrate ako sa Canada echos!

Pero, eto nga ay noong hindi pa ako tinutubuan ng nunal sa singit, kaya ang utak ko ay nalalapit-lapit pa ng konti sa aking ulo, in short, kayang kaya ko pang magplano ng matitinong mga bagay gaya ng mag-toothbrush at maligo. Ibig sabihin, lately, nagkaroon ako ng kadramahan sa buhay na kung saan nasagasaan ako ng isang tricyle at nabagok ang utak ko sa naka-usling bakal nang hindi pa natatapos na kanal sa kanto ng sheikh zayed road. At dahil sa sitwasyong ito, nalaglag ang ballpen ko, dina tuloy ako makapag-sulat.

Na-miss ko na ang magsulat ng mga plano ko sa buhay. Na-miss ko na ang sarap ng feeling ng nagche-check ng mga achievements ko. At nang mga failures na ike-carry over ko lang naman for the following year. Nakaka-miss ang maging busy sa career, ang maging workaholic. At lalong nakaka-miss ang feeling ng self-worth and confidence.

Kaya lang, habang petiks pa ang buhay ko ngayon, naisipan ko pa ring bumili ng aking 2010 diary. At dahil dito, nais kong i-share sa inyo ang aking mga bagay na gustong i-achieve for next year. Ito yung mga goals na na-postpone. Mga plano na under-process pa lang before ako magka-amnesia. At ang iba naman ay mga bagay na hindi maalis-alis sa utak ko. Mga bagay na matagal ko nang pinangarap, pero diko lang sineryoso, pero ngayon seseryosohin ko na. Kaya kung may maitutulong ka, you are welcome to give me the opportunity to achieve all of these goals below:

1. Kumanta sa harapan ng audience nang may microphone. Opo. Matagal ko nang frustration ang kumanta with feelings. Yun bang papalakpakan ako ng audience. (If you will notice ang audience po is pronounced with an "S" sa dulo, gramatically speaking, plural yan... ibig sabihin maraming tao ang manonood.) Yung fi-feeling-in ko talaga ang pagkanta mala- Alanis Morissette or Sheryl Crow, gigita-gitara or something... Hindi maganda ang boses ko, inaamin ko yun at di rin ako magaling mag-gitara pero isa lang ang asset ko, makapal ang mukha ko... (Takte kayo, wag kayong magdadala ng kamatis ha!) Pero seriously, isa yan sa mga pangarap ko at gagawin ko yan balang araw... Habang may buhay, may kalamay...

2. Mag-drive ng Range Rover. Wala akong balak bumili nito. Pero manghang mangha ako sa sasakyang ito. Pag nakakakita ako ng ganito sa daan, sobra akong naa-amaze. Ang i-drive lang ito ay ayos na sa akin. Gusto ko kasing maramdaman kahit papano ang mag-drive ng isang luxury car. At minsan, ini-imagine ko din kasi kung paano mag-drive ang isang pandakekong katulad ko ng isang higanteng sasakyan. Makikita pa kaya ako na nagda-drive?

3. Mag publish ng sarili kong libro. Ang title ay... "The Life and Times of Andeng Buraot." Bumili kayo mga ka-epal ko hah!

4. Mai-angkas sa isang motorbike ng isang hunk na hunk na gwapong gwapong Papa-Material. Woooooohhhh, trip ko yung mabilis na mabilis ang pagpapatakbo niya tapos sisigaw ako sa takot... habang naka-kapit ako ng mahigpit sa kanyang dibdib, (bawal daw ang himas, wala sa kontrata... hahaha, binayaran pala!)

5. To get a tattoo... Wag na kayong magtanong kung saan ko ipapalagay. Basta gusto ko magpa-tattoo... ng dinosaur sa aking balikat.

6. Basahin ang isa sa aking obra-maestrang tula sa isang poetry reading.

7. To be painted... NUDE. Hahaha, joke lang, pero pangarap ko talagang may mag-pinta sa akin, kahit na kilay ko lang.

8. Ang magpa make-over kay Dr Calayan. Papatanggal ko yung mga pimples ko at mga peklat ko sa katawan.

9. Ang mapasama sa MTV ng Burger House Boys.

10. WSOB. (*YM niyo na lang ako kung curious kayo sa ibig sabihin nito*)

Pero dapat send niyo na din ang aking birthday picture greetings hahahaha... Sa November 25 ang deadline! yanz_1130@yahoo.com. Weehehe, yun talaga ang purpose nitong blog na to hahaha! Para sa tatlong ka-blogger ko na nagpadala na, maraming salamat sa inyo, kayo na ang pinaka-cute sa mundong ibabaw hehehe!

Good Stuff!

This is my journal entry for the day. Written while on the way to work… driving…

There are a lot of reasons for this smile on my face today.

For one, I am wearing an unusual pair of earrings. It’s definitely not something posh, I don’t wear posh stuff, alright. It was given by a person dear to me and I treasure it. I am trying to make a reason, why these two were the only earrings left in my plastic “jewelry” box. I used to have two pairs of these same made earrings, only that one is black and the other white. But all I have is one of each color. I will count the people who will become aware of this today.

Second reason, after being called a “weird mom” by my “weird kid” who’s always tired of talking to me over the phone, it reminds me that you can’t expect an apple tree to bear an orange fruit.

Third thing, the fact that today is a gloomy day and there’s fog everywhere, makes me think that winter is stinging me out but my mind is insisting that in a few minutes the sun will be striking hot again…

The fact that I am having a lot of bizarre conversations with exceptional people lately and thinking about the odd things I never imagine of doing, makes my energy soar a bit higher than usual.

I smile because I am whistling right now with Axl Rose’ song “Patience.” Reminds me of the untroubled days of just going to school, fiddling with a lot of things and laugh and cry with my fellow troubled friends and then laugh again.

I smile because for once, I am writing something happy in this diary. I smile because of the fact that today I have started moving on, forgot the pains of the past and not worrying myself with the future.

And of course, adding the fact that I have a pen in my right hand while handwriting this piece of my mind in my journal, my notebook on the left and 3 fingers of each hand on the steering wheel.

So when I reach the office, I am going to treat myself with the nicest coffee, indulge myself with it, have a good laugh while once again (borrowing DP’s line) seizing the day!

Dancing like the Butterflies

“This is my last.” I told myself after pouring the last drop of white wine on my glass. I have been drinking a lot again. The sound in the bar is pounding so hard. My heart keeps throbbing in harmony with its rhythm.

The base of the music is making it hard for me to breath. It almost feels like crushing my ear drums. But then again, this is the part I love most. This is when I stand up and just hit the dance floor. Dance, with my eyes closed, sway my body with my head up, raise my hands with all the moves as if alluring every god in the universe to dance with a frail, innocent, fragile child. But I am no child… nor innocent. And I learned that this is what everyone wants to see and love to devour… in a chaotic place like this, a jungle in a hunting season, where everyone is a lion.

It’s a strange thing that when I’m drunk, is also when my senses are at their best state. I am woozy and sometimes would drool while laughing so hard over a non-sense joke, but ask me math questions and I can, without thinking give you the right answer. They say that when one is drunk, they tend not to know what they are doing. For me, this is utterly crap. You know exactly what you are doing, you just know that all your senses make you soar like the wind and prod you to the peak of your audacity.

While dancing, this guy, keeps staring at me. I know. My fully discerning sense of sight is telling me that he has slightly curly hair. He's a brit. He’s holding his beer and he is with his girl, whom I think he’d only met at the club 6 minutes ago. She’s Chinese.

This is what I love to do. Dance like I’ve never danced before. I love dancing… in most times, I love dancing on my own. The secret to enjoying this is to ignore the people coming at you and when they try hard to move with your groove, it’s best to turn around and let them scowl at your snub.

“Tomorrow you are just one tequilla I drank, you may give me the headache, but that will surely pass”

But not the music… The music, damn lingers on. It stays in your head, whether or not you have the overshadow of each night’s mischievous fun.

Someone grabbed me from the nape. With that I had to open my eyes and see what the hell is this guy’s problem. To my surprise, it’s not a guy. It’s the Chinese girl that curly-haired-man was with. She teased me into dancing with her.

My mind was laughing but with a serious look, it also dictated “Play his game.” This is for his pleasure.

I danced with the Chinese hooker. Damn, we were hot. Everyone was staring at us. I grabbed her neck and stared at her, eye to eye, while swaying my shoulders. My other hand is now exploring at her back. Teasing, enticing, tempting. “Is this what you want?” My mind is shouting at every man surrounding us. I felt the girl’s inconvenience. I know she was surprised that I gave in to her partner’s dare.

I moved my face closer to hers. And ran pass my nose to her cheeks up to her eyes. Our bodies are so close to each other. I can feel her softness. I kissed her earlobe and buried my head to her neck. My face is now covered with her hair. She smells pleasant, but I think I smell nicer.

Both my hands are now reaching to her butt. Still swaying and moving to the music beat, I squeezed one of them and I think I heard someone let out a suppressed exhale.

And then the Chinese girl finally whispered in my ear, in her mandarin accent “The guy I’m with... wants the two of us”

I answered her back saying…

“I am not what you think I am.”

I left the dance floor with all eyes magnetted on me.






Author's Note:
Purely Fiction

This Fucking Piece of Shit (an English Translation of CLOSET WRITER's "Ang Puta na to")

You’re fed up.


Fed up of being you… you burn up, bit by bit… And so I’m drawing a dark picture… in order to silence this fucking feeling I have right now, in this instance, I am offering this to myself.


Because everything that you are, is me…


Cold, strong, lewd, rolled over, hollowed


U-P-W-A-R-D-S

And

Used up

already

maybe you will try, you will fry, you will stick it, lick it

and then you will flick it

in a fucking place

where all the insanely lascivious people are going to expose their smelling crotch and testicles and the perverts who are looking for worldly pleasure…

or pay for it…

in any amount…

whatever it is that they are fucking doing and playing at

who’s going to share?
Who’s going to watch?
Who’s going to understand?

Not you

You refuse to

Because you are

Fed up of all the motha-fuckers
Fed up of arguing
Fed up of pretending
Fed up of acting

And fed up

of this art-i-ficial

fucking
flavors
shags
feelings
deceptions
charades

and fuck!!!

everything on you is

ooovvvveeerrrrlllyyyy

fed up of being laughed at
fed up of being rushed
fed up of being underneath
fed up of being ejaculated
and fed up of all distortions

and…

fed up of the assholes
fed up of playing
fed up of performing
fed up of masturbating

resting
harsh
lost

Did you get it?

I’m just saying
All of these fucking shits


That…


you are dejected of all these evilness
because you’re already tired of being blamed
tired of playing
tired of all your false names
that has different faces and fames

did you see it?
did you sense it?
did you understand it?

you’re tired of yourself
tired of smiling
tired of selling
tired of swallowing
You want to surrender

All of these are WRONG


And this fucking passe annoying song
Is being sang in a flat voice
And now… the end is near… and so I face, the final curtain!


BANG! BANG!
GANGBANG.


This is just me
Already outmoded of that fame

Tired of being tired
Tired of looking at it
Tired of hearing it
Tired of feeling it
Tired of sucking dicks
again and again, oh so tired…

And with all that…

Suck me…
Suck me to the bones

You did it… really hard
And I cried
I am this fucking shit?

I am?
Excessively tired…


Of him
Of you
Of them all

I AM!!!

Tired of all these wickedness
Did you see it?


I am tired of this craziness
Of this darkness
Of this fashion
Of this melancholy

Of this fucking poem
Like this

One…
I’m done
Almost

Come my love…
Run!!!

Drained of this fucking poem
And
This fucking house
Full of lonely, senseless and boring fornication

Shoot yourself now
Then it’s finished…

Shit !

I am simply
Fed up and tired of everything

So ...

Suck me dry
Consume me
Make me beg for more
Eat me
Swallow me

Because fuck… !
Yes… !

If you’re happy and you know it
Clap your fucking hands…

Wooohoooo !!!
It’s party time!
It’s okay now

I’ve had my summit, my pinnacle, my orgasm

And now I have this grin
Now we can smile so we can again ruin
Oneself

Bye now,
Fucking piece shit!

Tagalog Version by Closet Writer - Ang Puta na 'to

# 22 Nov 09

Na-inggit lang!!

Panay emo ang nakaraang araw ko... Pano ba naman kasi nitong mga nagdaang araw eh napasama ako sa mga taong nasobrahan yata ang kain ng paminta. Ito yung mga klase ng mga taong, mapa-lasing man o hinde, eh hindi pa rin tumitigil sa kada-daldal. Minsan talaga nauubusan ako ng energy para sumabay sa kanilang super-powers. At hindi lang din minsan kong tinanong sa kanila kung "TAO KA BA?" hehehe... Pero super-friends ko tong mga power-rangers na to and as always, I am so glad to have found new friends.


Isa pang highlight ng araw ko ngayon ay ang pag-sakit ng aking panga... hindi dahil sa bagay na nasa isip mo ngayon, wag mong pigain ang mala-porselana kong isip okay? Kundi nang mapanood ko ang picture greetings ni Drake at ang mga behind the scene na nangyari sa da-making ng video niya....

Kaya nga dahil dun diko na mapigilang mag- Hoooooyyy!!! Ppppssstttt!!!
Mama!!! Ale!!! Chelly!! Yosi!!!
Isa na lang aalis na!!! Papuntang Quiapo!!!
Gusto ko rin ng picture greetings!!!!


Nainggit ako kay Drake, I demand my picture greetings!!!


Maawa na kayo sakin please!!! hahahaha


Birthday ko din sa November 30... 20 years old lang ako hahahahaha, wala nang pakialaman ng taon pwede ba?


Yung mga may puso at kyut na katulad ko, pa send naman po ng picture niyo na may nakalagay na ang "kyut-kyut mo Yanie grabe!!!"


At dahil di ako marunong gumawa ng video na kagaya ng ginawa ni Drake at ni Jepoy, eh kung pwedeng pakipadala naman before November 30, sa email add na yanz_1130@yahoo.com para mai-pagawa ko pa yun sa head ng IT department namin hahaah!!!


Para dun sa hindi magpapadala, nalalapit na ang pagtatapos ng maliligayang araw niyo hahah!!!


Thanks in advance!!!

Para kang Karinderyang Nakabukas sa Lahat... BOW!

Una sa lahat, sana hindi pa panis, gusto kong i-share and pinaka unang AWARD na natanggap ko sa mundo ng kabulastugan...


Sobrang enjoy ako sa mga friendships at sa mga nakakalokang comments ng mga alien sa nakakawindang na mundong ito... Kaya Kanye West, be STILL... sutil! At akinang ipe-prepare ang speech ko para sa aking Ms. Unibers award hehehe, este Best Blog Award na galing kay Diyosang Vonfire

Von, pwede ko bang i-moment muna tong award ko, yoko muna sanang i-share hehehe... pero dahil nakakain ako ng croissant ngayon (pronounces as "kwosunt") o diva sosyal... ipapasa ko na lang ang award na to kay... hmmmm...



hmmmmmm....



hmmmm.... uleetttt...



isa pang hmmmmm....



sa akin na lang hahaha, wala naman na akong maisip na ibang best blog kundi ako lang nyahahaha.... jokeness, pasa ko to kina...


DRAKE (kahit na walang ka-kwenta kwenta kang tao dahil birthday mo yan na ang regalo ko sayo! hahaha)


kay JEPOY (sayo na rin basta may berjer ha!)


kay KABLOGIE (shawarma na may tabasco pwede na)

kay JEE (discount naman sa blacberry)


tsaka kay DHIANZ (wag kang mag-ala Boy Abunda jan na nangi-scoop ng chismis... dimo bagay waaahahaha)


ayan sa inyo na yang award na yan... alam ko marami na kayo niyan, kaya pagbigyan niyo na ang pers taym na katulad ko, nanginginig pa nga ohh...


Tapos niyan, gusto ko na ring i-share sa lahat ang isa sa mga favorite kong songs ngayon... eto panoorin niyo....






SENGS!!!!